How can I change my life and be happy? (Part 5)

Hello and welcome back. For those of you who are new here, my name is Showleh Tolbert, I am a certified Master trainer and master coach of NLP, Time Line Therapy® and Hypnotherapy and I specialize in transforming lives. We’ve been talking about how I can change my life and be happy.

To continue with our last conversation on how and when people change.

You see, what’s happening is, as long as you’re here, in the comfort zone, see here is the thing, you know the comfort zone, you know it better than anyone else.

It may be, not bad, you dealt with your problems, but you know your problems better than anyone else does. You know your problem and you’ll say: don’t try to tell me about my problems and the truth is that, you know better than anybody else and you know how to deal with your problems better than anybody else, because THEY ARE your problems.

Okay, so I’ve got negative emotions but I know how to deal with them. Now, dealing with them doesn’t mean they are out of your life. I hear people saying, I know how to deal with my sadness. I am still depressed, still taking medication but I know how to deal with my depression.

That doesn’t mean anything. That means it’s still there. It still bugs your life. Now most people live here but they wish they were here, they hope.

The problem is I had to step out of my comfort zone to get here and the truth is I have clients and I see clients on a regular basis and when people come to me they say: you know what Showleh, I wish to be there but I’m afraid.

I’m afraid to make the change. And what the client often says, they say and I tell them this is the change you need to make and they say but that’s not me.

Exactly, Exactly, if it was you then you wouldn’t have the problem. Fair enough?

So in order for the problem to disappear people have to be willing to step out of their comfort zone.

You know when things are good it is absolutely easy to move forward and expand our comfort zone but what makes it difficult during the bad times, it’s our limitations that makes us think we are not strong enough or don’t have the resources within us to make the necessary changes we need to make.

Talking about limitations, every person, myself included, has them, in his or her life. How do you get over that, is to recognize it being a limitation and choosing to get over it. It’s a choice, because it’s those limitations that keeps us staying in our comfort zone.

So there are two things here, either things Miraculously Get so well that you go Okay, no problem and you step right out, like lightning strikes, and you change and everything is fine, and everything in an instant, life is miraculously good.

OR, that’s the second thing, life is so BAD, it hits the fan big time, it’s so bad, that you’ve got no other choice but to move out. uh, I couldn’t stay there anymore, that’s it. And truthfully, you are here and you know all your life as it is. Don’t tell me how it is, it’s my life.

It’s a matter of knowingness, control, safety, You know how it is.

Now, you don’t know what’s out there, you don’t know what’s outside your comfort zone, BECAUSE, you’ve never been there.

Truthfully, you’ve never been there, so it’s kind of, I wish I could step over there, I want to uh uh uh shall I? And some people try to move out but then there’s a part of them that doesn’t really feel safe because they don’t really know how it is there. But, the other part wants to move out but then they create going back and forth and what’s this, A Nice Conflict.

I want there, but it’s safe here. I don’t know what’s there, but I’m here and THEN, the person, that person, spends enormous resources in terms of energy, inner power, and mental and emotional, physical, to try to cope with the situation. Trust me, been there, done that, lived it for so many years. I know it very well, gray zone and I used to be buddy buddy.

So, the gray zone, while it’s comfortable, is a real problem. Oh, I forgot to mention, all the nice people who would want to support you. Oh, you SHOULD stay in the abusive marriage, you SHOULD keep that job, I mean you have a degree in it, uh you don’t wanna go off and do something you have no idea what it is.

Step out of the comfort zone for just a moment because the minute you step out of the comfort zone it expands.

Is it scary? Of course it’s scary, you’ve never been here. You don’t know how this is, you hope for it, you pray for it, you wish for it but you’ve never been here. You don’t know what’s there, you know what’s here (the comfort zone) with all the problems and this is what’s happening.

In order for something to change the way you want it, you need to make the change. ——Now for the first time, may be in the history of mankind, we have the tools necessary to make a quick change. It doesn’t take one year, it doesn’t take six month. It doesn’t take ninety days for a change to take place.

It doesn’t take, let’s see if it works. Or it doesn’t take, I’m working on it, it doesn’t take, I’m learning how to deal with it, or I’m learning how to cope, I’ve got a lot of friends who support me, it doesn’t take that. Change can happen in a matter of moments, it can happen instantaneously.

We’re talking about change and with the invention of Time Line Therapy® as a technology, all the fear one may have is to step out of the comfort zone and make it happen the way you want. The fear, you can get rid of it, with Time Line Therapy® and you let go of the fear should you choose to, so that you comfortably and safely get to where you want to be.

You can do this only if you decide, if you so choose to step out of your comfort zone, and the minute you do, you’ve expanded your comfort zone.

Thank you for giving me your valuable time. I appreciate you. If you got value please be sure to subscribe and come back for a visit as we did deeper and deeper into our behaviors and beliefs and ways we can permanently change what’s not working in our life.

If you are ready to grow personally or professionally; or you may have an interest in becoming a certified coach, I teach what I do or perhaps you may want to receive one on one coaching please spend some time looking around my website. Then be sure to reach out to me at

This is Showleh Tolbert wishing you well.

See you next week.